Etiquette in France: 5 Ways to Charm the French

Planning a trip to France and worried that the French will be rude? Use these simple tricks and your manners will surely impress even the Parisians!

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Worried about failing your
​'tourist French etiquette test'?

As we planned my birthday trip to France, I was dismayed to hear many people saying that we'd absolutely hate France, especially Paris, because the French were "just so rude." This is a widely shared sentiment, expressed in everyone from well-traveled personal friends to fellow travel bloggers and even professional travel writers.

​Before we left for France, I read as much as I possibly could about French etiquette, customs, and manners. During our stay, I was constantly and consistently impressed and awed by the kindness of the French. 

I did not have a single negative experience and am anxiously awaiting our next French adventure! 

So let's discuss my tips for French etiquette for tourists - and you'll charm the French in no time!

Easy Ways to Impress the French

Allez-y! Let's discuss some quick and easy ways to help you charm the French!

Etiquette in France:
What if I don't speak French?

I need to give one disclaimer, I do speak good (not fluent) French. The comments below will be helpful regardless of language!

The Eiffel Tower, Paris

 


​That said, my Husband does not speak a word of French, so I can assure you: having a truly enjoyable time in France is not dependent on your French language skills!

"Do you speak English?"

French shop (stock)

The French will often say they "do not speak English" when what they mean is that they "don't speak English fluently." I did run into this a few times, so I spoke French with them instead, and then they'd suddenly speak English with my husband. I do understand how they feel. I have found, however, that this cultural misunderstanding leads to offended English speakers, who feel they've been lied to.

If you have ever tried a foreign language, you'll understand that the minute you say you "speak" that language, a native speaker starts prattling at you quickly, using jargon and slang, and you're immediately lost and feel silly and embarrassed if you can't keep up, having just said that you "do speak language x."

UPDATE: I received a comment from a foreigner living in France, shining some light on these issues. She noted that if a French person doesn't speak *excellent* English, they may try to avoid speaking English at all. This is not necessarily because they are rude, but because they feel embarrassed. Being able to speak English is a significant social class signifier in France, as English is used in international business and may be an indicator of the schools you attended, etc.

Etiquette in France:
​Bonjour is the magic word

The French greet their co-workers, individually, each morning - and if someone comes in late, he has to circle through and run around greeting everyone. I originally learned of this in a lovely memoir, Finding Fontainebleau, which I read in preparation for the trip, and, I'll admit, I didn't full believe it.

​However, I experienced it first thing upon arrival. We were waiting in a super long immigration line at 9 AM, when there was a change of border control agents. In the U.S., the new guard would have just walked up, tapped the person being relieved on the shoulder, and moved on. Not in France! As each new guard arrived, they all stood, greeted each other, and shook hands before changing guard (while hundreds of us waited patiently).

This was the most helpful thing I learned during my time preparing for our trip, and once I was actually in France. The French are extremely formal. And, there's a reason that the opening song in Beauty and the Beast is Belle saying "Bonjour" to her entire town.

Les Invalides, Paris

What does this mean for my time in France?

What that means for a tourist is greeting shop keepers, bar tenders, hostesses, front desk workers - each and every one of them, every single time. I found it slightly exhausting.

You walk into a shop? "Bonjour, Madame" to and from every worker you see in the stop, not just the "first one" or the "greeter." Ironically, to Americans, who are notorious for talking to strangers, this feels onerous, as we generally wait for attendants or staff to greet guests,  and generally just say hi once, or if we make eye contact with a specific person in a shop. But this is not the case in France. Failing to greet someone automatically gets the interaction off on the wrong foot, and I've been told by multiple French people that this is part of the reason they often think tourists are rude.

If the marvelous accent of your "Bonjour" tricks the Frenchman into thinking you speak French and they start speaking in French, just respond, in French if you can: "Desolee, je ne parle pas francais. Parlez-vous anglais?" (Apologies for the lack of accent marks - that's a bit beyond the blog's capabilities, it seems). If you've expended all of your French at the Bonjour, just say in English, "I'm sorry, I don't speak French."

Update: I've recently learned that there's a great book about overcoming language and conversational issues in France! Check out The Bonjour Effect! And for more books about French culture, I've written a full post.

Bonjour!! (stock)

Notre-Dame, exterior

Etiquette in France:
​Take your time over meals in France

It's common knowledge that the French do not rush through their meals. If they're having a sit-down lunch or dinner, multiple courses are a must. And you might as well do the same - both because you'll be on vacation and because it's a massive part of your enjoyment of your time in this amazing country.

Who'd want to rush through this salad anyway?

Unfortunately, a frequent point of misunderstanding between French and Americans is that the French waitstaff think you want to be left alone, and American guests, used to being rushed out of restaurants, think they're being ignored or mistreated.

Restaurant Etiquette in France

French restaurant. But don't ask for the menu in English ;) (stock)

I've collected some simple rules to restaurant etiquette in France. With a bit of effort, and the remembrance that you're on someone else's turff, I promise you'll improve your experience as a tourist in French restaurants.

French pastries (stock)

• French patrons do not want to rush or be rushed, and thus the waitstaff do not hurry to attend to to a diner's every need. Since patrons stay much longer at restaurants and often sit for a long period, the waitstaff have far more tables to monitor.
• If you need something, catch the waiter's eye like you would in the U.S., but also indicate politely that they should come over. Mere eye contact often will not draw them to the table as it would in the U.S. They will assume it is incidental.
  
• If you are sitting in a cafe, or even at a bar, and your drink it empty, they will not rush over and ask if you want another. You generally need to ask to order another drink. If you do not, they think you want to just sit at the table and chill, which, to the French, is perfectly reasonable.
• The waiter will not bring the bill unless you specifically ask for it, but if it's a bar-type setting, they may leave a check on your table. They are not being rude - this is just how they remember whether you've paid. And, as we've discussed, they're not ignoring you - they think you want to be left alone. French waitstaff are paid a full wage, so they are not interested in "turning tables."
• At sit-down meals, even lunch, almost all French people will eat multiple courses. The waitstaff may react strangely if you eat just a main course and then leave. They'll ask if everything is OK, if you're sure you don't want more, etc.. If you are not interested in multiple courses, just smile and say yes everything is fine, but you're in a hurry - just so they know you aren't unhappy! This they understand.
  • The French see not having coffee after a meal (read: espresso) the way Americans would view someone eating a $5 appetizer salad without dressing and leaving. Not wrong, just bizarre behavior of an oddball that they're going to gossip about with their coworkers after their shift.

Appetizers (which the French call entrees) on the Rive Gauche

Etiquette in France:
​Metro rules in France

Fin de siecle Metro sign (stock)

I've spent a fair amount of time on metros - both in the U.S. and abroad. The French are much more...deliberate(?) about their tube rides than anyone in the world.

They always sit on the Metro if they can, even if they are only going a few stops - and you should do the same. While for me personally, it might be more comfortable to stand for maybe 3 stops, they always sit if there is room and give you funny looks if you don't sit.

Don't sit in the fold-down seat if the carriage is crowded

The French always make it abundantly clear that they are getting off at the next stops. People will get up and stand near the door far, far, far in advance of their stop. This is part of the reason that they sit - to make room for this exit procedure. Be sure to leave room for people to do this. 

This one is fairly straight-forward. Treat your time in France as though you're constantly in church (and, often times, you will be literally in church, so it's easy enough). Don't shout, don't yell across rooms, and speak abnormally quietly, even when you're just chatting amongst yourselves. 

Most importantly: get up early for your departure - don't push people out of the way at the last minute, as they won't be expecting this and you might not be able to escape.

Etiquette in France:
Speak quietly

The French do not speak loudly and they will strongly resent if you do.

Sainte-Chapelle, Ile de la Cite

Etiquette in France:
​Remember: you aren't at home

Take your cue from others and you'll have a better trip! If you as the French are doing, you'll feel more comfortable and maybe even learn a few things!

​Enjoy the French food, drink their coffee, and don't forget to say "bonjour!" You'll be happy you did.

Thanks for stopping by!

Cheers to Paris! (s)

For more tips and tricks on a trip to Paris, we found Rick Steves' most recent Paris book to be a lifesaver. And don't forget to sign-up for the blog newsletter for travel tips, straight to your inbox!

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